July 2025

You know the saying that what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger? Well, I have to agree that it is true. This hike was a real test in endurance, more mental than physical I think for me. But it was also a promise kept to my little baby girl, NovaLeigh Mae. The first and only time I had been here was almost a year ago to the day. Nova stayed at home then while Josie and I explored this breathtaking cirque on the PCT. It was two days before Nova's knee replacement surgery and I was so worried then that she may never hike again. At least, not hikes like this one......super hard, tons of elevation gain, many, many miles of commitment. The kind of hikes that have made up our little hiking adventure party for years. When Josie and I hiked out of this place last July, I went home to make a promise to Nova. I swore to her, that somehow, she would get to see this place that dreams are made of after her surgery. It truly is one of the most spectacular places I have ever been in my life and I had to have my best hiking partner see and experience it with me. It wouldn't the same if she didn't.

So this July, close to that anniversary, all three of us piled in the trail truck for the long drive to the trailhead. The road surely had not improved, trying to rip my truck apart with its huge potholes, moguls and washboards. It was one of those back road drives that causes kidney damage, no matter how careful you try to be. My truck was relieved to finally get to the trail head parking lot, I can tell you that. While I was driving and imagining what it would be like to spend the night in this magical place, I had the strongest sensation that I needed to not just expect Jesus to hike with us, but to invite Him along for every step of the way. So I threw my plea-filled invitation heavenward and couldn't wait to hit the trail. This would surely be the best hiking party ever!

I decided to go in a different way than when Josie and I did it a year ago. We could then make a huge loop, coming out the original way I knew to get back to my truck. This would add many, many more miles to the hike as well as some pretty significant elevation. But since we were making it an overnighter, I wanted to cover more trail. This loop would also allow me to spend more time on the PCT and continue to check boxes on my mental map of section hiking the entire trail, at least in Washington and Oregon.

The trail started out easy and gentle, which certainly put me into a false sense of security. My backpack was stuffed with all my overnight gear and lots of extra water since we would be dry camping (camping without a water source near by). The temps were in the upper 80's so we did stop to drink at every creek we could find on our way in order to stay as hydrated as possible. But once the climbing started, dehydration was almost instant from the amount my body was sweating. I was wearing long sleeves and pants in order to ward off the hordes of mosquitos, which really had me overheating. Sadly, the bugs were biting me right through my clothes in their desperation for a meal. There were times when I thought they were just intent to carry me away. I must have sweet blood as I was literally being bit hundreds of times. We were hiking as fast as we could to try to outrun them, but they were not having it. Eventually I did get out my mosquito head net and hiked wearing it, which somehow only made me hotter. I tried to think of the bright side and told myself that I was literally keeping an entire population of insects alive with my blood, but eventually I asked Jesus if He was being bit as badly as I was and if he couldn't perhaps produce a bit of a breeze. I felt Him smile next to me and almost instantly felt and heard a gentle wind. "Going to need to be stronger than that to blow these guys away" I told Him with a smile.

The climbing was incessant. But we could not stop, even for a moment, due to the bugs. Some biting flies even got into the action, but I think the mosquitos ganged up on them and killed them over me. I have never been such a prize to anyone in my life as I was to those blood suckers. Nova was also getting covered and even the Wolf was pawing at her ears and face. It was total misery. For so many miles we were down below tree line with no views. Normally I enjoy this, but today, it was muggy, I was soaking wet from sweat and already itching pretty much everywhere. The pack on my back (that was easily one third my body weight) was pulling hard against my shoulders and already hurting my feet from the extra weight crushing down on me. The climb became even steeper as if to mock me.

I was too miserable to even stop to take a single photo, so that should tell you how bad it was!! I find photos everywhere on the trail. But not today. Today was turning into an episode of survival only. I grew discouraged when I realized how many miles we had churned out and still didn't feel any closer to our goal. "Man", I started to say to myself, "what if we went the wrong way? What if by going the long way, we don't make the goal?" I grew more and more discouraged and angry with myself for not just taking the easier route. As the pack dug into my shoulders even more, causing clear bruising along my collar bones, I fantasized about carrying a daypack weight once more. "This is not easy God" I said to my invisible hiking partner. I felt Him whisper to just keep going.

More and more miles churned out beneath my boots. The sun was getting lower in the sky with each step and each mile. The girls were starting to drag as much as I was. I stopped looking around me for long periods of time and just focused on my boots and the ground. The more weary I became, the more I would start to trip and fumble on the uneven ground. I started to think about the very real possibility that we would have to camp somewhere else. I started to look around for any possible places to roll out my sleeping bag....but there were none. The brush was thick, the trail cut into cliffsides and just few if any campsite options that were decent. I started to think I would sleep standing up against a tree at this point. The mantra started in my brain that there was no way we could make it. Over and over, with each step, the voice in my head said "I'm dying, I'm dying, I'm dying." Then it moved over to "I can't, I can't, I can't." I went on and on with such discouragement that I started to become convinced that my body just could not make it. Mentally I was toasting out. I was my own worst enemy. The Wolf started to lay down every 20-30 feet in protest. Nova was hanging her head. We were done in and needed a miracle.

I kept telling myself that we have hiked way more miles than this before. I needed to get out of my own head and just get this done. I looked up and started to glimpse the high peaks ahead of us through the trees. My heart lifted knowing that was our goal, but sank again realizing how many more miles that would surely be, with a lot of climbing still to do. "There is no way you can do that with how tired you are right now" a voice spoke to me again. This voice was not from Jesus. So I turned to Him and asked for help. "I can't do this on my own, I need you now." I quietly whispered to Him. That is when I felt Him tell me to trick my brain. Stop repeating that you are dying and that you can't do this. Start repeating that it is only 2 more miles I felt Him say. Okay. "Two more miles!" I cheerfully said to the girls out loud. They looked up in surprise and I gave them each a cookie from the treat bag hanging off my left hip. Instantly things seemed more hopeful. I knew it was a lie, but I went with it. Two more miles does not sound bad at all. Of course, we did two more miles 3 times until we completed another 6 miles. But who is counting.

Before long we suddenly were passing PCT thru hikers who had not only set up camp, but had climbed inside their tents to sleep. I checked the time on the pedometer on my tactical belt and it said it was already 8pm. This one man had just set up his bear canister with all his food and was about to get in his tent when he stopped to just stare at us. His face said it all. Are you crazy to still be hiking this late his eyes asked, but we did not speak. He took one look at my face and the exhausting emanating from all three of us and just watched us shuffle silently past his camp into the twilight and toward the pass ahead.

One step in front of the other we moved. I no longer had any conscious thoughts in my head. It was as if my brain had completely turned off and only my legs and feet were alive. We were moving as if in a dream or trance. It was truly surreal and I kind of liked it. It generally takes a lot to turn my brain off, but here we were. Eventually I asked "Jesus, you still driving us up here?"

"I'm here" was the gentle whisper. "We are almost there now". Suddenly we broke out of tree line and came to one of my favorite sections of the trail just beneath the peak we were shooting for. We were going to make it. That was all I needed to stop for a moment to take a couple of pics, the first in the entire day.

Then before we knew what happened, we tumbled up onto that peak overlooking the most amazing cirque from my memories and just froze in place. "Nova, this is it baby." I whispered to her. We all stood completely speechless and in awe staring across the deep ravine. This is the place I promised to bring her. We had done it and not died in the process. Her knee was still going strong. The sense of accomplishment in that moment was overwhelming! If I had tear ducts, I would have found them for sure.

The flowers were blooming, the sun had just set and the beauty took my breath away. However, we were so tired that we knew we couldn't stand there for long or else be at risk of never moving again and shattering in the very spot. So we moved off the trail to the south to climb one tiny additional rise to get to where I had been fantasizing about camping for a year. We chose a sandy spot right next to the cliff side drop into the ravine, close to some flowers with the tree line to our west. I quickly lay down my ground cloth, blew up my sleeping pad and unrolled my sleeping bag where my feet could face north. Nova jumped on top and told me she was not moving again. Even Josie had thrown herself rather dramatically onto the ground and was asleep in seconds. I wanted nothing more than to climb in the bag and die, but I knew we needed to eat and drink. I thought about it for a moment and calculated that I had only consumed maybe 400 calories all day. I was not hungry in the slightest, but forced myself to open my thermos of hot noodles. I filled the girls bowls with their kibble, which drew some excitement from them, but they both insisted on eating in bed. "Sounds good." I said as I crawled in bed with my noodles. I could only eat half of them before feeling sick, so gave the rest to the girls. It was dark by the time I lay my head down to sleep and saw stars popping up all across the open night sky.

We all instantly feel into a deep sleep. My final thoughts before I was unconscious was that I did not have a bear canister like those other guys and my food was right next to my head. The tree line to our left would be perfect for a bear to walk up and then have us trapped between himself and the cliff. But I was far too tired to care at all and slept incredibly soundly.

That was until Josie later jumped up and lunged and darted behind me into the pitch blackness. If she had not been still tied to me in my sleep, I am sure I never would have seen her again. She violently fell to the ground when she came to the end of the rope connecting us and then started jumping and lunging in the air as if she could break that rope. Nova jumped out of the sleeping bag peering into the darkness to our south as well. Nothing like having something scary sneaking up behind you in the dark I thought. What a way to wake up!

Josie started to run circles around Nova and I wrapping me up in her rope. She was intent on chasing into the clutches of some sort of brawl right there cliff-side. I could hear nothing (although my hearing is not what it use to be I must admit!) I could see nothing through the black night. I am pretty sure I cursed a few times trying to untangle myself from Josie's line and figure out if I needed my gun, my camera, or a flashlight. But at the moment I was fumbling to find anything as Josie was pulling against me with all of her might and causing my carefully laid out campsite to end in disarray.

Suddenly she jerked me to my right (westward and right toward the cliff drop). Okay, so now, whatever was here, it was flanking us, but literally on top of the cliff's edge. I smelled something strange and could only wonder if Josie had maybe expressed her anal glands in either fear or excitement. But the smell soon dissipated and knew it wasn't her. By the time I finally found a flashlight and brought it to life piercing the darkness all around us in it's brilliantly bright beam, I could see nothing. No eyes staring at us, no bodies crouched and ready to pounce on us. Nothing. It was very anti-climatic. Nova climbed back down into the sleeping bag with me to spoon again. God had given us a lot of wind on our rocky peak so the temps had dropped significantly. Unfortunately, the mosquitos here had super powers and were still swarming my face, so I was sleeping in my head net and keeping my hands inside the sleeping bag.

Josie placed herself between Nova and I and whatever had just passed by us on our thin ridge. Nova went to sleep instantly. I knew, however, that I would not be sleeping for awhile as my heart was still pounding from the adrenaline. I kept looking around us and trying to listen for any sound over the winds. Josie would then repeatedly jump up, stalking around us, then lay down again. She was clearly on watch duty and in charge, so I tried to just lay down and sleep once more. But by now, the night sky had drawn my full attention. I have rarely seen so many stars as were shining down on us on this exposed ridge. The Milky Way seemed extra large and right over the top of us. Shooting stars were flying over us every few minutes, satellites were moving in all directions. planets were sparkling at us, it was incredible. Who needs sleep I thought to myself and continued my conversations with God that we had started earlier in the day for most of the rest of the night. We laughed about how hard the day had been and how badly I had gotten sucked into despair. Life can so easily discourage us. I tend to be a pretty positive person, but I got sucked down that rabbit hole of thinking I couldn't do it and wanted to give up. It was embarrassing, but also interesting to see what it took from my body and mind to keep pushing past though the negativity.

Eventually, I slowly became aware that the stars were disappearing and the sky was growing lighter. The peaks across the cirque we were in became visible once more. Breathtaking I thought. I couldn't wait for the sun to rise to see more!

It didn't take long, but felt like hours at the same time. Eventually the sky grew yellow, orange and pink to our right. Before long the sun would break over the ridge-line to warm us with her rays. This was what it was all about. This is what all the pain and suffering was for. Waking up pretty darn close to heaven with such astounding beauty made every single moment, every single bug bit, all my blisters and pain, worth it. I knew I would do it all over again in an instant. Even Josie agreed, although Nova didn't want to get out of bed yet.

Then Josie started to thank God as much as I was while laying next to my bivvy bag.

When the sun did break that ridge line, Josie's face said it all. We all looked the same way I can assure you of that! Jaw dropping moment indeed. Sunrise straight out of God's hands.

We decided to stay and enjoy our sunrise peak for as long as we could. I lounged in bed with Nova, just letting the sun warm our tired bones. At some point I realized the mosquitos were all gone and took off my head net and sat up to just feel the breeze and warmth on my skin. There are so few places on earth where I can imagine waking up to a better view! I pulled out my oranges to eat for breakfast and Nova got up to look in her bowl for food and water, telling me she was alive after all.

Nova kept trying to climb back into bed, but I told her we had another long hike out to do today, dropping all the elevation we had gained. When I told her we were going to go a different way, she did seem to brighten to that idea! I don't think any of us wanted to repeat the trail from yesterday quite so soon. We posed with the flowers before packing up to hit the trail.

Interestingly as I got to moving around our camp, I searched for any signs for what startled us all in the middle of the night. I figured out who our guests were after all. We were surrounded by fresh mountain goat tracks!! Now I wish they had stayed to visit, but they clearly wanted nothing to do with the Wolf.

I knew that by hiking out so early, the only other people on trail would be PCT hikers. We really mostly had the trail to ourselves and enjoyed it immensely. We were hiking slow for sure as I think we all had pain in different parts of our bodies today, but mostly because our souls were saturated with joy and pure peace and we wanted to linger so as to not lose that feeling.

As we made our way back to our waiting truck, limping and exhausted, I asked the girls how they were doing. They were so happy to jump in the truck, get bowls of ice water from our cooler and their special after hike bones and sleep the whole way home. But they had smiles and contentment on their faces. As I closed the truck doors and slowly walked around to get inside, I silently thanked God once more for being with us and showing us that what doesn't kill us does indeed make us stronger and is always worth it in the end. I kept thinking back to that promise He told me He would fulfill when I was so afraid that Nova would never hike again. Clearly He was right, as always. This backpacking trip was all about promises being fulfilled and I couldn't wait to see what other promises God would fulfill in my life! Nova agreed wholeheartedly!

For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God.

2 Corinthians 1:20