The Wolf and I were going to be deep in concentration today. If you have been following Mustard Seed Hiking on Facebook, then you know the last several weeks have been rough. We have been pushing Nova in her Bat-mobile on every kind of trail. But last week's push up a 1500 foot climb on real trail rather than roads or bike paths was a bit extreme even for me. In fact I still feel that I am experiencing PTSD from that hike and know that Nova surely is as well. That and my thumb still throbs from being bent backwards.
At one point on that trail last week I was so angry with myself because I felt ridiculously weak and could not figure out what was wrong with me. That was until I did the math. I realized that I was pushing an 80-85 pound wagon up steep trail and over every obstacle you can imagine. That didn't sound like much to me and I felt like a total wimp. But as I mathed it out, I realized that this wagon only weighed about 25 pounds less than I did. So after envisioning a normal 200 pound human pushing a 175 pound wagon up steep rocky trails, I felt much better about myself. It was a matter of perspective. It didn't change the fact that I was going to have nightmares about that hike forever though. The wagon might be considered "All-Terrain", but I don't think the manufacturers planned for people to put a live load in it and then roll it up on one tire instead of three for long periods of skinny steep trail. I don't think you are suppose to tie a wagon to yourself and then almost roll off a cliff....twice. I am quite sure you are not suppose to rock climb up and over boulders and ford shallow rivers with it. I dang well know you shouldn't be dead lifting it up and over more downed trees than I care to remember. But what really took the cake was when we rolled it....three full revolutions before it came to a stop.....upside down. Nova was luckily not in it for that little adventure. But she watched it with very wide eyes and did not especially want to get back into it after that crash. I will say that the wagon is very, very durable.
This week, all three of us voted to take a break from the wagon. Nova voted to stay at home and let her knee continue to heal. That left just the Wolf and I on our own.....unsupervised. That is rarely I good idea, I know. I immediately knew we needed to do something hard enough that we wouldn't be thinking of Nova sitting at home. The truck really drove himself to the base of a 3000 foot climb in the Gorge that I know well. I think of this as my secret trail and it is a favorite of mine. It is incredibly rare to ever find other humans on this steep climb, especially at the top. I think that is because there are parts of this trail that are significantly steep. Like hold on to tree trunks and pull yourself up with your arms kind of steep. But the beauty is surely worth the pain and effort.
This is one of the first view points you make it to on the trail after a few miles of climbing. I can never keep hiking past this spot and am always pulled by invisible forces to lay down on the solid slanted ground to enjoy the views here. It is addicting to watch barges and trains move up and down the river. You can hear the lonesome train whistles perfectly from this spot. Sometimes I wave at them, but I know they can never see me. The ground is steep enough that when you lay here you kind of feel like you are still standing, just with your back leaning on earth. I am silenced by this land. I am sent deep into my own thoughts as if on a separate journey altogether. Josie was only too happy to join me in our cavernous contemplation of life.
I am not sure what Josie the Wolf was thinking about, but I was remembering the time when Nova and I climbed up here (before the Wolf came into our lives) in the winter. The two of us then glissaded down this steep meadow repeatedly in the snow, which was a fun idea, until we had to think about stopping. Let's just say the steepness here gets you flying in the snow and ice! I remembered how I had forgotten my ice axe and self arrested by turning onto my face and clawing into the snow. Not my best idea, but we did stop before plummeting into the Columbia River. The sad part about that day however, was that I had lost a really good flashlight that was on my tactical belt while glissading. Despite searching for a very long time in the powder, I never could find it. Some lucky spring hiker surely found it when the snow retreated. "Ah, those were the days" I said to Josie who looked over her shoulder at me. She strangely looked tired as she curled into a ball on the ground. "Oh no you don't" I told her. "We have a long way to go still today!" We were maybe halfway through our 3000 foot climb. With one final long look at the river and emerald fields below, we turned to tackle the really steep section of trail ahead of us.
I am not going to lie....that next section of trail is not my favorite. Sometimes I wish I could just turn back at the first meadow and call it a day. But my soul won't allow for such nonsense. So we climb mercilessly. It is truly so steep that at times you feel that you just move from tree to tree, grabbing ahold of trunks with your arms to keep your momentum going upwards. During one of these moments when I had my arms wrapped around a tree trunk and was breathing hard, I turned to look to see what Josie was doing. I didn't feel her pulling against me and knew that her being still on trail usually means trouble. I was shocked to find her laying flat on the ground with her back pushed up against a tree trunk to keep her from sliding backwards. She looked as wiped out as I was feeling. "I think we are out of shape Josie!" I told her. Since Nova's knee went out on the last hike in January, we had been only doing trails with pretty minimal elevation gain. Despite continuing to hike and push her wagon for over ten miles every week, our climbing muscles had failed us. I could literally feel my legs quivering beneath me. "Let's keep going." I said to the Wolf pushing her onward and upwards as well as myself.
The climb here is in such a dense forest that the canopy above chokes out all the light. It felt like night time, even though it was midday. When I could get a glimpse of sky above through the branches, I could only see dark clouds moving over us. After some continued pain and agony, we finally broke out of the treeline into the upper meadow. This is my second favorite meadow on this trail and today the hills were truly alive with visions of purple wildflowers!
Once we lost the shelter from the trees and broke out onto the ridge top, fierce winds pummeled us. I was instantly freezing despite wearing several layers and couldn't wait to get to the top so I could pull out my hooded puffer coat with the heat reflective lining. I had sadly not brought gloves with me thinking the day would be too warm for them. Instead I stuffed my hands into my pockets and we moved up the ridge walk as quickly as possible. I always set up a mini camp on top of this ridge and today would be no different. Familiarity brought comfort today. Thank God I had a good hikers quilt in my backpack though. I was going to wrap myself up into a very tight burrito when we got to our favorite spot! The clouds were racing past us and seemed to be accelerating with great momentum. They were turning darker and more ominous by the moment, which I made a point to ignore. I was determined to enjoy every raw moment of this hike....from the steepness, to the flowers, to the weather. It didn't matter, I was letting the dark clouds frame the land like a work of art and my soul was overcome with a blinding euphoria.
Once we made it to our favorite camp, tucked up into a few struggling high elevation evergreens, I dropped my pack and quickly put on my coat and wrapped the quilt around myself, tucking it in tightly against the winds. I pulled my hood up and cinched it around my face. Josie immediately flopped down onto the ground behind me. As I lay down, I tried to use her big fluffy backside as a pillow, but she apparently felt that was a disrespectful way to treat a Wolf and got up to move a couple feet farther away from me. "Hey!! That is not okay at all!" I laughed at her. "Pride comes before the fall Josie." I reminded her. I did not tell her that Nova would have gladly been my pillow. Instead I pulled out her bowl and food and she moved closer to get her favorite hiking meal. I pulled out my trusty thermos. For those of you entertained by the weird things I put in my thermos, you should know that today was maybe a little more strange than the homemade cheesecake hike. This morning I had quickly pan fried up a bunch of jasmine rice in butter and shoved that in my thermos. It was hot and AMAZING on the trail!!! Of course I shared with the Wolf even though she refused to be my pillow and I had to use my backpack for that.
After eating, Josie and I both fell into a deep slumber. The ground was so firm and unyielding beneath my back that it lulled me into a sleep so peaceful and bottomless that I felt I would never awaken. This is the kind of sleep I only get when on the trail and I adore it. At times parts of me were aware that the wind was pulling at the quilt I was wrapped in, surely intent on ripping it off of me. But I snuggled in deeper and curled into the fetal position to retain heat. I could hear Josie's gentle snores behind me and the sound of an occasional hawk calling out overhead. When I suffer from chronic insomnia at home, these are the moments I try to recreate in my mind.
Eventually I woke up and decided it was time to start the new book I had stuffed into my pack. I lay on my back, cocooned in every layer I had with me and read about 5 chapters until my hands were so cold, I could no longer feel them. I looked around me periodically while reading to enjoy the views. Our bed was right next to wildflowers and had views of the Columbia River and looked down upon Dog Mountain. It was spectacular! Josie got up and laid at my feet to enjoy more of the views herself.
As evening approached, the air was pressing colder against us and the clouds spoke of rain coming soon. We could smell it on the very air. I wanted to push things just a bit farther and stay longer, but I could no longer feel my hands or feet. The cold was creeping up my legs toward my knees and my body was fully shivering. My teeth were not yet chattering, but I knew that was close. Once we moved off the ridge, and had shelter from the winds once more, I knew that we would warm up. But it was also going to be downhill the whole way back to the truck, which makes it hard to warm oneself. After a bit more stalling, Josie and the clouds finally communicated to me that it was really time to go. You know it is a sad day when a Wolf has to tell you it is time to hike out. Guess its a good thing I have her. "Don't worry Josie" I told her, "We will trail run to warm up!"
I packed up my kit as quickly as my frozen digits would allow and headed off the backside of the peak. We always make this hike into a loop coming down a different direction. I was super excited to hit a particular section of the backside trail this evening. Last time we had hiked out about the same time of night, we had found a wonderful brown bear friend to take pictures of. Today, I was more prepared. I desperately wanted Bear and Wolf selfies and had brought along a fruit leather bar to try to temp the bear that we were friends and not to run away when I got the camera out this time. I was convinced that we could find him in his living room once more today. My challenge was that because I was so cold and shivering, my body was craving something sweet, making me want to eat the fruit leather myself. But I resisted in order to save it for our friend.
As we descended as quickly as the wind was blowing over the top of us, we suddenly found two things that made us each very happy. The first was a blanket of white Trillium wildflowers that I loved and the second was a blanket of white-ish snow that Josie loved.
No wonder we were so cold I thought....there is still snow up here and we had just dropped probably 500 feet to find it! But the more we descended, the warmer we became, despite the snow. It was as if the very air increased twenty degrees and it suddenly felt balmy. While I did remove my hood, I kept all my other layers on as we continued down the trail. After shivering, I knew I needed to protect my core longer. As we neared the bear's living room, we both were virtually tip-toeing. We are silent hikers anyway, but if possible, we were even more stealth in our quest to find our friend. I even held on to some of the carabiners on my belt to keep them from jingling. I wondered if I should unwrap the fruit leather so he could smell it, but decided I could not be trusted to not take a bite.
As we came around a corner and pushed into a forested meadow, sudden crashing was all around us and very close. It was a stampede! We both stopped to stare at a herd of truly giant deer who had been standing right by the trail and were now bounding up the hillside away from us. It was unreal how high they jumped making their white tails flick at us. Josie wanted to give chase, but I silently shook my head at her. We are searching for the bears, not the deer I told her telepathically with my finger over my lips and then pointing forward down the trail. We continued to quickly drop elevation in total silence until I pulled up to a hard stop, looking to my left. Josie was not even seeing what I was seeing. We had two new friends along the trail, but they were not running from us. These were babies!! In fact, they were frozen in place in order to become invisible. I silently waved at these youngsters. Then I blew them kisses. They did not run. As I blew more kisses at them, the young lady on the right started to move her lower jaw back and forth finishing the mouthful of dinner we had interrupted. I smiled from ear to ear as she silently chewed and watched us. I wanted to ask her if she had seen Mr. Brown Bear, but didn't want to disturb the peaceful evening in the forest. So I just took their picture before continuing on down the trail watching for Mr. Bear.
Sadly, tonight was not to be the night for the Bear selfies after all. It was a night for deer only.......big ones and little ones. The rains started to fall on us in the final few miles to the truck. The sound of the drops falling onto the green maple leaf canopy above us was like music. The scent as the dry forest floor became wet was like the finest perfume. Everywhere I looked seemed to be filled with life. It was Spring after all and new life was pushing forth from the very ground beneath my feet. Life and death. We come and go. These lands and hills have been here long before I ever existed and they will be here long after I am gone. We move with the land and it moves with us. I belong to this land. These animals will die and new babies will come to take their place. Perhaps someone else will hike this trail long after I am dead and gone and blow kisses at the deer and find the bear. I hope they give him a fruit leather bar when they do find him.
We stopped to take in the final view as we switch-backed down to where our truck was waiting. Tonight I took solace in the fact that I would soon be sipping hot apple cider from a thermos in my truck and eating the bear's fruit leather bar myself as the rain would sprinkle onto my windshield and the Wolf would doze in the back seat. Life is good.
You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Psalm 16:11
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