April 2025

Like most weeks as of late, God whispered to me during Sunday morning worship at Church to tell me which trail He thought I should do this week. I smiled and was pleased with His suggestion. That is until I heard Him whisper to bring my sleeping bag. "Wait, what??" I quietly said back to Him. The desert is a great place in April, but spending the night I thought.....insane! Now standing in Church singing worship songs is not the place to argue with God. Or maybe it was the perfect place. But I told him that I would surely freeze to death or wake up with rattlesnake anklets since the snakes and ticks are heat seeking missiles in the desert. God just smiled and told me once more to bring my overnight gear, with no other explanation. I know better than to refuse God though. He has always taught me something when I just do what He asks, when he asks me. I knew it would be a chance to draw closer to my Savior, and that is what draws me to the trail more than anything else. So I started to plan my early April desert backpacking trip.

It was over a 2 hour drive East to get to the trailhead. We drove through tiny towns where the only businesses were saloons and feed stores. We drove past huge windmill turbines, feeling tiny and dwarfed by their immensity. Pretty soon the wind was blowing tumbleweeds in front of my truck and I knew we were in a whole new land. I only come out to the desert once or twice a year to hike. It is beautiful, but I find that I am drawn more to the forests and mountains as they are my soul mates.

That being said, I knew that today it was raining back in the forests and mountains. So when I stepped out of my truck to a warm wind and sunshine, I gave a long sigh, just soaking it in. We strapped all our gear on and hit the trail, knowing that we would be the only humans on the empty path today. I am not sure how I knew this, I just did.

This particular trail winds its way through a deep river canyon among the sage brush and tumbleweeds. It is a gated and closed old jeep track really and it hugs the river for most of the way. At least I wouldn't have to worry about running out of water in the desert!

I had never seen this river running so high with such a strong current as it was today. It was impressive and of course Josie jumped right in and tried to swim. Once again I was glad I didn't put anything in her pack that couldn't get wet. We had barely gone a mile with the sun beating down on us and I was overheating. Even the girls were panting. Yup, this is desert hiking in April! The sun just feels warmer here, as if we are under a magnifying glass. I kicked myself for the second week in a row that I forgot to bring a shade hat. Even Josie seemed like she wished she had a sunhat today!

The miles passed easily and quickly as the trail did not have a lot of elevation change since we were in the bottom of the canyon. I kept careful watch of the ground, scanning back and forth and especially watching near Nova's feet. I was on extra high alert for the rattlesnakes. It was on the other side of this river that we had our first huge rattlesnake encounter several years ago. It didn't help that a section of this trail passes through what is known as Rattlesnake Canyon I thought.

Pretty soon we were passing through thicker sections of sagebrush; the pungent aroma a delight to my nose. I picked some leaves and rolled them between my fingers, holding it up to my nose to take long deep breaths. So soothing. I put the leaves in my pocket wishing I could have a sagebrush bush at my house.

As we hiked peacefully along the river, I started to ponder where we should spend the night. We had a number of miles to hike still, but I couldn't decide if we should scale the canyon walls to sleep on top with vast views and unbelievable winds, or if we should camp down by the river. I love when my only problem during a day is where to make camp. We did find one delightful bend in the river with a grassy bank that looked inviting. But we needed to hike more miles before it was time to call it a day. So I kept this place in mind and knew we could come back here later if we didn't find something better. Nova tried to convince me we should stop here. But I told her we could get in many more miles yet and to be patient. I did have a book with me that I was dying to dive into, so needed some daylight left for that.

Eventually we came to a sharp bend in the river and we decided to do some exploring off trail climbing up higher out of the canyon and looking back down to the hidden oasis along the river. It was gorgeous and like a sea of sagebrush trapped in the canyon.

However, we were not prepared for the winds! The higher we climbed, the more they tore at us. I could feel my body temperature dropping while still standing in the sun from the winds. I knew that it would not be a good idea to try to camp up high since the winds were likely to get stronger as the sun went down. So we dropped back down and explored the forest of sage brush looking for a clearing for our camp. I was taken aback by the amount of Scotch Thistle mixed in to the sagebrush and tumbleweeds. I surely did not want to sleep on a bed of thistle I can tell you that! The peaceful hidden oasis, was actually a mine field of thorns like an impenetrable forest.

After another mile or two of exploring (fighting the brush) we finally settled in a little gap among the sagebrush right next to the river. It seemed like the perfect place to spend the night. I knew I should have a good hour of daylight left to read by as I set up camp virtually humming. The moment the sun dropped behind the canyon wall, however, I felt as if the temperature plummeted 30 degrees! I put on my other layers and got Nova's jammies on her as quickly as possible.

You might be wondering why I would place my blue accordion sleeping mat perpendicular to my sleeping bag and not under it. Well, I decided that maybe the rattlesnakes wouldn't want to slither over it and it might keep them out of my sleeping bag in the night. Besides, I had my air mattress under my sleeping bag anyway, so I really didn't need it. I often give this blue mat to Josie to sleep on, but she made it clear, she was fine on the grass tonight. As I climbed into my down bag, I pulled out my book and smiled as the sounds of the river lulled me into peaceful oblivion. We all ate dinner and I had to eventually get my gloves on as I was losing feeling in my fingers. It was unreal how cold it was becoming I thought. I have never spent the night in the desert before and was worried about what would happen. There were moments when I debated if we should actually spend the night. "Maybe we should pack up and hike out to the warm truck" I said to the girls. But they were tired and I knew God wanted to tell me something tonight. So I stayed, praying we wouldn't wake up dead as 3 frozen popsicles in the desert.

Turns out it was not the cold that we really needed to be concerned about. Josie seemed to know this as she was very distracted in camp and already on guard while Nova and I lay on our bed away from home.

Once it got dark, everything changed. It was terrifying and I had to repeatedly keep myself from diving deep into the very terror trying to fill my body and soul. You see with darkness came screams. They were not ours. Deep in the sagebrush field behind us, things were dying. And. They. Screamed.

Josie, Nova and I all jumped up in shock from the sounds of one creature screaming. I think it must have been some sort of bird, but I have never heard anything like it. The best way I can describe this terrible sound is that if metal (yes, like steel) could scream, this is what it would sound like. The metal screaming occurred again and again. Nova and I slide deeply into the sleeping bag while I clutched my flashlight which I did not want to turn on unless in imminent danger. I kept my gun just to my side and my knife in my pocket.

The wind picked up easily double again what it had been. But without trees to block it or cause it to whistle, the sound was like a nightmare of moaning. The wind moaned and the creatures screamed. Suddenly the water started to change sounds and move differently. It was as if something was standing and moving up out of the water. "What the....??" I whispered to the girls. It was like we were in a whole new world. I felt as if we were camping inside Jurassic Park waiting for the Velociraptors to eventually find us. "Seriously God??" I whispered. "This is not okay." I could feel my heart rate rising with each scream from the canyon bottom around us. I worked to tell myself that we were fine over and over again. I reminded myself that this was God's idea and he was wanting for me to experience something tonight. I laid back down spooning with Nova as the temperatures continued to drop. If I am being honest, we more than spooned. That girl and I were like a bag of wet spaghetti noodles with our limbs all intertwined. She is the best sleeping partner on a cold night you can ever find! It didn't hurt that I had turned on FIVE rechargeable pocket warmers and slipped them into the sleeping bag with us.

To distract myself from terror as the night got darker and darker, I started to compare the differences from camping on a mountain or deep in a forest with the desert. It kept coming down to simply feeling ridiculously exposed in the desert. I did not care for it as well by any means (even if there were no death screams). This was a barren place of death and fear and wild beasts. Who knew there could be so much life and so much death in this barren place I wondered?

Once the night was pitch black and I could barely see a foot or two outside the sleeping bag, Josie jumped to her feet growling. "Oh, that is comforting." I thought about the Wolf who rarely makes a sound unless there is something imminently right there that she deems as a danger. I sat up and peered into the darkness. I couldn't see anything. But she could. She knew something was there. I held my breath as she barred her teeth and snarled. If I hadn't emptied my bladder before bed, I surely would have wet myself. "We are going to die" I whispered. It was a statement of fact. I reached for my gun, wondering if it was better to jump up and run toward these unseen killing beasts, or to lie still and let Josie snarl at them. After several tense minutes, Josie stopped growling, but remained standing. After several more minutes, I lay back down. Clearly, we were not going to be sleeping tonight.

I knew the Wolf had a protective streak in her unlike any dog I have ever hiked with. But I had no idea what she was capable of. This night taught me the gift that God has given me in this furry Wolf body. Josie stood between us and the killing fields behind us all night long. She never laid down. She paced over my head and back as needed. She occasionally came to Nova's side to growl into the darkness. She growled, she snarled, she showed her teeth. She was fierce and terrifying and I thanked God she was on our side. Every now and then I would start to drift off into a fitful slumber in my exhaustion, but I would wake with a start to find the Wolf still standing and hard staring into the darkness of the sagebrush. She barely seemed to blink. I knew it was surely not healthy for me to keep drifting off and being jarred awake in terror, but there was nothing else to do.

That is until the stars came out in force. The night sky in the desert is unreal. I watched a sliver of a moon move across the sky. I saw the big dipper move in its path. Then the milky way came out. The shooting stars were the most prolific I have ever experienced. Now, I have to tell you a secret. So shooting stars are a little fun game between God and I. So I get to ask Him all kinds of questions and he answers me with shooting stars. The shooting star with the perfect timing to start just as I finish a question is always a yes. While Josie growled and paced, I played the game of questions with God and got all kinds of important questions answered.

Besides the screaming metal birds dying, we also heard several geese meet a loud and untimely death during the night. Can I just say that this is a terrible, terrible sound. They are so loud and don't always die right away. It was awful to listen to. But eventually we grew accustomed to the sounds of death all around us. There were clearly multiple hunters as we would hear death far to our right and then to the left at almost the same time. They were hunting together and moving fast through the sagebrush. Faster than they should be I thought. There were times I couldn't wait for the sun to rise for it to end and the terror to be over. There were times I never wanted it to end so I could keep staring at that magical night sky and see all the comets and talk to God. As we moved deeper into the night, the air became even colder and my face started to feel as if it was freezing off, so I tucked even my head deep into my sleeping bag where Nova was snoring peacefully.

Every now and then Josie the Wolf would sit, but she never laid down. Even sitting never lasted long as she jumped to a fully standing position every few minutes to growl more. I couldn't imagine the toll this was taking on her. I tried to talk to her, but she was so focused on the bushes around us, that she never even glanced over her shoulder. The way she used her body as a shield to me made me realize that I have never, not ever, felt safer or more protected by anyone in my life as I did from this beast. She was incredible. She was our hero. It re-defined our relationship this night. Nova has always been my baby girl and I protect her. But Josie is my protector. I do my best to keep the Wolf happy and comfortable, but she made it very clear that her job is to take care of Nova and I. Assuredly, I am okay with this plan.

Just like God provided for His people in the desert in biblical times, God was providing for me in the desert in my time. He gave me this Wolf for protection. Without her, I am sure Nova and I would have been killed by a pack of beasts. Josie is just one of God's many gifts to me, just like Nova and so many other things. I wonder what the gifts are that God has given to you?? Do you recognize them? Do you thank Him for them? I believe we all receive different gifts at different times. But I was surely praising God tonight for this Wolf gift as He shot more shooting stars over our heads as the creatures continued to prowl around looking for something to kill. Could they even eat this many birds or were they killing for sport I wondered?

As I lay in my bag staring up at the night sky, I started to think about what the Bible tells us of the desert. It is a place of solitude of course. But also a place of great hardship, a place with fear, few resources, inhospitable and full of death. It is also a place to go to encounter God and experience His presence. I thought about the Israelites who spent 40 YEARS wondering the desert. Good Lord how did they do that I wondered?? I thought about Jesus who faced spiritual struggles while tempted by the devil for 40 days and nights in the desert. Since no sleep was happening on this night for anyone but Nova, I was able to spend a great deal of time in thought with a whole new perspective. It was as if the Bible was coming to life in front of me and I had such an appreciation for time spent in the desert.

When morning finally dawned (and it was surely the longest night of my life), I woke to find my sleeping bag covered in thick frost. No wonder I was so cold I realized! But at least there were no snakes in my bed. We packed up quickly and ate a few snacks. Mostly we were all thirsty and drank and drank before starting to hike out around 6am. Instantly, we found fresh coyote scat all around us as well as a variety of feathers littering the ground. I stopped and rubbed my tired face as I listened to the birds in the early morning hours. I have never heard anything like it and once more felt as if I had been transported into a primal land before the dawn of man. I listened as what sounded like hundreds, if not thousands, of birds all started shouting together at once. This was not the sound of them dying. It was the sound of anger, of sadness. It was the sound of them waking to see which of their friends and family had been murdered in the night. They all shrieked their mournful cries at once and it was deafening. I covered my ears and the girls even looked back and forth at me and each other. It was as if it was a dream and I needed to pinch myself. I felt that I was an intruder not meant to hear this private moment. The shouting and mourning went on and on for a solid 30 minutes as we just stood there frozen to the spot by the river, unable to hike away or barely take a breath. My soul mourned with them. Their loss could be tasted as the sun rose in the sky. Sometimes I think I mourn like this on the inside of my body. Silently screaming the sound of a thousand deaths, but where no one can see or hear it. I scream for the losses I have experienced, for the ways I can no longer trust people, for the hurt that humans have caused, for the senseless things that happen, for the ways that I cannot understand God's plans or His timing....I scream like the sound of metal dying, but always silently on the inside. Now the birds were doing it on the outside for me to experience in awe and reverence.

There it was. There was God whispering to me once more. Telling me that even His creatures scream with mourning. He hears them. He hears me. I am not invisible to Him. He knows what I am feeling and understands me in a way I didn't think possible. When all the screaming stopped as suddenly as it started and the birds started to fly above the river calling to one another with a sudden joyful sound as if nothing had happened overnight, I took a step forward suddenly feeling lighter than I have in years. After the birds released their anger and sadness, they moved on. They had no choice. It was as if God removed sorrow from inside them and also inside my own body during the night of death and the morning of mourning. I was renewed. I was changed. I wanted to fly above the river canyon with the birds. It was the most incredible experience and one I felt that I shouldn't even have witnessed. But I did because God whispered to me during worship and I listened.

I will close with some sunrise pictures from our slow and contemplative hike back to the truck. Please my friends, when God whispers to you, listen to Him!

Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert. The beast of the field shall honor me, the dragons and the owls: because I give waters in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert, to give drink to my people, my chosen. This people have I formed for myself; they shall declare my praise.

Isaiah 43:19-21